Churford Orcs Vs. Blitzkrieg Allstars

Under overcast skies and with a heavy fall of rain, the Churford Orcs met the Blitzkrieg Allstars at the Blitzbowl. With the defeat of the Allstars by Brutal Deluxe still ringing in their ears, and with the Orcs still on a high from their defeat of the Mooning Angels, it’s a game that only one of the teams looked keen to play.

            The teams lined up, the Allstars looking uncomfortable in the wet conditions while the Orcs seem happy pushing each other over in the mud, or kicking it at each other. The referee blows the whistle, and the half begins. A long kick by thrower Karl Hood passes over the lines gracefully, while down below the melee begins. A heavy tackle from Basher Jenkins puts Grish Gut Gutter onto the soggy pitch, shaking his head to clear the fuzziness. The melee continues with Blug Basher stunning Sven Skornberg with an elbow to the face, as Big Ugg Lee Bugga throws Allstars Captain and blitzer Alvin Tanner to the ground. Gazgul Chukka picks up the ball and runs forwards, passing it to Trickie Mikki who dodges around the Allstars line and makes a dash for the endzone.  Faran Groper pounds after him and tries to blitz him but grabs nothing but thin air as Mikki continues his run. Lee Bugga takes a swing at Grimble Headcrusher, the Allstars Ogre, stunning him and sending him to the ground with a force that shakes the small wooden stadium. With the Allstars’ lines in disarray it’s a plain sail to the endzone for Mikki as he scores the first touchdown of the game, and his fourth in two games!

            The side’s face off again and the whistle blows. The lines crash together hard, and for the second time in as many minute Lee Bugga takes out Grimble Headcrusher with a terrific blow to the head! It takes all the Blitzbowl’s stewards to drag that one off the pitch! Scheister attempts to pick up the ball and fumbles in the wet, firing the ball away from him as the crowd laughs at his misfortune. He makes a second grab, this time successfully picking up the ball and making a dash along the wing. He charges fast, trying to speed up and instead causing himself to trip, fumbling the ball as he skids across the grass.

            Bodvar Nacht lands a nasty block on Skar Face, badly hurting him and leaving him with a lasting reminder of the game. He’s likely to feel that for the rest of his career! As Sheister gets back to his feet he comes face to face with Lee Bugga, who slams him to the ground, leaving him stunned. Solax the smasher lives up to his name, smashing Big Dave Thickskull in the face and stunning him. Flash Grotzil scoops up the ball and attempts to pass it off, instead loosing the wet ball and fumbling it. In an attempt to get to the ball Hood charges forward, tripping and stunning himself as the half time whistle blows leaving the Churford Orcs leading one touchdown to nil.

            The whistle blows for the second half and the sides collide again. A rock is thrown from the crowd, hitting Mikki in the face and sending him to the green. Lineman Joachin ‘the distracted’ Scholz stuns the crowd by knocking out Skar Face. Schiester grabs the ball from the turf and starts his run to the wing as Tanner finds himself alone and facing off with two black orcs and Lee Bugga. Big Dave stuns Blug Basher while Schiester continues to run, trying to find a way through the Churford lines. As Tanner tastes turf, Le Bugga moves across the pitch, swatting Scheister off his feet and into the crowd where he is beaten almost triumphantly! The crowd turf the ball back onto the pitch where it is swiped up by Gazgul. Grut Kars tries to dodge out the way of Groper, who manages to distract him with a quick fondle, leaving the confused orc stumbling until he falls to the grass.

            Black orc Umpa Stumper delivers swift green retribution to Big Dave, planting him in the face with an armoured green fist and stunning him. Gazgul throws the ball which is intercepted by Joachim in his second great play of the game. Lee Bugga continues on form, stunning Judas as Flash Grotznil KO’s Karl Hood with a terrific blitz before charging towards Joachim and tripping over his own feet. Joachim keeps up his pace, trying to reach the endzone, instead tripping on a dropped piece of armour, badly hurting himself and fumbling the ball. The stretcher bearers run on to carry him from the pitch, ending his run of good luck as Mikki picks up the ball and turns, heading straight for the Allstars endzone.

            As the Allstars and Orcs continue in the scrum, the ball is popped loose from Mikki and picked up by Wolfe Lodbrook who tries to throw it back up the lines to Joachim. An incredible Interception by Ug Holdik who throws the perfect throw! Solax catches the ball and starts towards the Allstars endzone. Seeing the referee raising his whistle Grut Kars lays the boot in, stunning the already prone Dave Thickskull. The whistle blows giving the Orcs their second victory of the season!

Mooning Angels vs. Churford Orcs

It was another sunny day when the Mooning Angels faced off against the Churford Orcs at the Churford Bowl. A lot of talk was hanging around the game after the Angels game against the Bonecrunchers, and whether they could pull off a second victory against an orc side. The teams walked onto the field to the woops and cries from the crowd, the Angels whipping them up into a frenzy with their trademark mooning.

            With a toss of a coin it looks like Churford are kicking to the Angels and the two teams face off down the centre line. As the ref checks his sundial and raises his whistle, the Orcs make a dash forward, catching the Angels unawares moments before the whistle blows. The ball lands in the Angels half and Jerri Ice scoops it up, pacing across the pitch and handing it to Drew ‘Easy’ Breezy who grabs at thin air, and lets the ball fall to the ground. As the lines keep struggling Solax the Smasher lives up to his name, landing a blow on Reggina Fright and sending her to the turf!

            Breezy manages to grab the ball from the pitch and starts dashing towards the lines as Blaze Bashup knocks out Ug Holdik who is dragged from the pitch by the team snotlings. A savage blow from Joan Hellway put’s Churford Goblin Trickie Mikki  face first into the dirt bringing the snotlings scurrying back on. As the scrum continues Jerri Ice makes a break down the wing, catching a throw from Drew Breezy and scoring the first touchdown of the game.

            Looking cheated, the Orcs line up again, a look of determination about them that they don’t want that happening again. The speed of the Angels making it difficult for them to chase down. The ball is kicked off and the lines smash together in a crescendo of buckling armour and shouts of aggression. Gazgul Chukka picks up the ball and runs forward, fumbling it and dropping it back to the ground. The Angels continue trying to push forward to no avail, the wall of green muscle keeping them firmly in place as Gazgul picks up the ball and throws it to Trickie Mikki in an incredible display of orc dexterity! Trickie, sporting a black eye, catches the ball, the second completion of the game! The ref’s whistle blows and Skar Face is pulled off the pitch for a foul on Fright.

            As Mikki charges towards the Angels endzone, Grim Killey makes a last ditch effort to stop the swift moving greenskin! She dives at Mikki who dodges out of the way, leaving Killey sprawling on the floor and giving him a clear run to the endzone. Touchdown to the Churford Orcs!

            With the second touchdown comes the half-time whistle, and the teams retire from the pitch for some orange segments.

            The second half starts as every game should, with Umpa Stumpa stunning Blaze Bash-up. Grish Gut Gutter picks up the ball and runs forward, handing the ball to Trickie Mikki who is scooped up by Churford Troll Big Ugg Lee Bugga and thrown with surprising precision. The crowd boo, wanting to see the goblin eaten rather than thrown, only to go wild when he lands with a roll and runs forward, dodges and dives into the endzone for one of the fastest touchdowns of the season so far! Two Touchdowns to one to the Churford Orcs.

            The teams form up again, slamming together as the whistle blows. The Orcs determined to hold onto their lead, the Angels determined to reclaim their lead. The whistle blows and the scrum begins with Gut Gutter stunning Torrie Bolt and leaving her slumped on the floor. Breezy scoops up the ball and runs forward, trying to find space while staying clear of the Orc Line. The scrum line moves back and forth as neither team can get the advantage. Orc blitzer Grut Kars slams Hellway to the floor with a nasty knuckleduster to the head.

            Fright stuns Gut Gutter with a cheeky palm to the nose as Breezy sees the opening she’s been waiting for. As a gap opens she throws the ball to Bolt who is just getting back to her feet. As if using a sixth sense, Bolt catches the ball and sets off down the pitch, leaping over the line and slamming the ball to the floor! Touchdown Angels!

            With the scores now even the teams form up for what has to be the last few minutes of the game.  The ball is kicked from the Angels, landing in the grubby palms of Mikki. Without any word Bugga swipes Mikki up into his palm and throws him down the pitch towards the Angels line. Mikki lands heavily, but picks himself up in a split second and takes off down the pitch faster than his legs should be able to carry him! The Angels seem to have been caught completely off guard again and no one is there to stop him, letting Mikki score the third touchdown for the Orcs, and his third of the game!

            With only seconds remaining on the clock, the whistle for the remaining time goes, the lines crash forward, Mikki manages to catch Ice unawares, charging into her and taking her to the ground. Breezy throws the ball to Bolt who catches, and the final whistle goes and the game is over.

            One of the hardest fought games of the season, one of the highest scoring, but one of the lowest casualty rates. It seems some teams do play for the sport!