Blitzkrieg Allstars vs Brogar Bone Crunchers

The first match of the season seemed to have all the intensity of the first time these two teams met, two years ago, in the first match of that season. The last time the Bone Crunchers took their name literally they pummelled the Allstars until only five of them remained in any fit state to carry on playing.

Two years on and they were facing off against each other under blue skies as sixteen thousand people gather to watch the mayhem. The Bone Crunchers kick the ball over the Allstars front line, and the game begins.

The two lines crashed together, in a cacophony of shouts and armour smashing armour. Allstars number six ‘Lucky’ Hood scooped up the ball, moving forwards slightly but keeping well clear of the fighting. A glancing blow from Allstars captain ‘Lord’ Tanner sends Erorag to the ground as the Bone Crunchers push forwards.

Karug drops to the ground and is stretchered from the pitch after Tanner manages to fall another Bone Cruncher. As the orcs continue to push the Allstars line back, ‘Safehands’ Schiester makes a break down the side of the pitch, out pacing the Bone Crunchers and calling for the ball. ‘Toes’ Mahone stuns one of the greenskins who is lost in the melee. Lucky throws the ball badly, but Safehands manages to catch it, running across the pitch to score the first touchdown of the match.

As the lines form up reports are coming from the Bone Cruncher’s dugout that the apocathary has worked his magic on Karug, and that the Black Orc will live to play another game.

With a kick from Karl ‘Lucky’ Hood the play begins again. Eruuk scoops up the ball and charges down the wing as the Bone Crunchers slam into the Allstars. With a clip from his knuckledusters the Allstars’ ogre Grimble punches Uhmar to the ground. The orcs are pounding the linemen, trying desperately to hold the line as Eruuk advances to the halfway line. Despite all odds, Eruuk throws while on the run, completing as Rugor catches the ball seconds before Toes slams Eruuk into the crowd. Looks like the rest of his game will be spent on a stretcher!

Rugor surges forward towards the goal-line, to be hemmed in by the only Allstars players not being beaten to the ground. As Rugor is knocked to the ground Bodvar ‘the Triumphant’ fumbles the ball, only for it to be picked up by Judas Beauchamp, who runs the ball a few paces before the half-time whistle blows.

As the second half begins, the ball is kicked into the Bone Cruncher’s half, the two lines slam together and the violence begins. Skarsnit grabs the ball from the pitch and starts making a dash for it while goblin Snicket tries to squeeze between brawling players only to trip and hit the floor. Blitzer ‘Basher’ Jenkins weaves around the orc line to slam into Skarsnit, popping the ball loose, but losing his grip on Skarsnit so the orc can pick it up again.

In control of the ball again the Bone Crunchers go on the offensive, with Grunak landing a hammer blow punch, knocking Toes clean out. Gaarbag charges Basher who is alone in the orc half, landing a mean punch to his jaw and taking him out for the rest of the game. Erorag and Karug continue the violence with a wicked KO on Bodvar and a stun on ‘Hairy’ Wolfe Lodbrook.

Gaarbag puts Basher onto a stretcher to rest out the rest of the game.

In retaliation for the sudden mauling of his team, Tanner throws Skarsnit into the crowd. Rek, in an incredible feat of bravery for any goblin, dashes forwards weaving between the Allstars players like they aren’t even there. Even outpacing the few linemen and blitzers who are still standing to make his way ever closer to the goal-line. Sven ‘The Average’ Skornberg out performs his lineman position, dashing across the pitch and blitzing Rek into the crowd. With the ball loose it is scooped up by Tanner.

With Bone Cruncher’s troll Uhmar hunting him across the pitch, team founder and one time Bloodbowl recruiter Faran Groper only just hears the cry from Tanner and turns just in time to catch the ball! The Bone Crunchers continue ploughing through the Allstars with Lucky Hood being stretchered off unconscious after a particularly hard block from Erorag. With the Allstars backing towards their goal line and the orcs hot on their heels, Groper makes a dash to the orc goal line to score the second touchdown of the game.

As the whistle blew for the final few minutes of the game, both teams called it a day and left the pitch to lick their wounds on the first match of what looks to be a long and bloody Bloodbowl season.